In A Relationship

It’s well after midnight, as I lower the west shade, and set the automatic timer on the lamp with the energy saver light bulb.  The neighbors’ rooflines still glow with the colorful Christmas bulbs as they peak through the woven blinds (the lights, not the neighbors) and warm my heart, even on this seventh night out.

One more sleep here and then I’m off to 2012.

I vow to change.  Again.  Set in motion and pushed forward by an urgency to get it right this time, I leave myself room to breathe as I go through the mechanics of closing this space.  I’m sorry about the trashcan full of regrets and wasted chances.

He whispers, as I fixate on sweeping up the crumbs, “I’m so proud of you, for turning around and changing directions, you’re forgiven.”

One never knows when the 'lasts' will occur.  Oh sure, you can count the biggies; last time I’ll walk these halls, last day on the job, etc. etc.

Sometimes, a 'last' sneaks around the corner and startles you.  What if Friday evening Dec 23rd becomes the 'last' family Christmas in the house where we raised a family?

The voice is stronger than before, “You are mine, and I am totally in love with you. Follow me.”

I head upstairs to close furnace vents, curtains, and chapters.  The scrapbooks line the shelves and a few toys have resurfaced. I make beds, put away some childish things, and leave the mementos’ to their fading.

His encouragement is now palpable, “Stay focused on the goal, keep your mind fixed on me, don’t waiver. This world is not your home. Be strong and courageous.”

I gather random items to take with me, a basket of old love letters, a box of family photos, and a well-intentioned study bible. To everything there is a season and a purpose under heaven … a time to plan, so I’m not sure what I’ll need in 2012.

The voice grows stronger, “Don’t worry about anything. I do not have plans to harm you in any way.  Let me take care of you. I’ve paid all your debts. I see to it that even the birds have a nest and flowers have their dress. Lean on me.”

As I close up this house for the last time in 2011 and make my way south, I leave behind the past and press on towards a higher calling. I do so with authority and resolve to concentrate on my relationship with him.

Now the voice is audible, “Who do you say that I am, Julee? Fall in love with me.”